Wednesday, October 22, 2008

But People Don't See My Fetish As Sexy! How Do I Write About It?

Via riotclitshave

It all started when the BHM licked my armpit.

"Oh my god," I giggled, playing the scornful femme, "what kind of pervert licks people's armpits?"

The BHM gave me his most wicked look--the look he usually reserves for when he's about to tie my arms behind my back. "Oh yeah?" he said. "What kind of pervert likes it?"

I blushed deep. It had, in fact, been very pleasurable: a warm caress across one of my most sensitive zones. Try it some time, seriously...if you're brave enough not to let your usual experience of armpits deter you.

This why, even though I have a sex blog, so little of it has to do with sex. Even in this wacky alternative universe called sex blogging, where working for is a legitimate career and mothers of three can have baskets of sex toys on top of their refrigerator as a matter of course, I can hardly bring myself to tell people what I'm really into. I'm never able to forget how rare my desires are--and how potentially a hard-on ruiner. What would you do if you were in the same place I was two weeks ago: a sexy boy running his hands down your breasts and crotch, breathing, "So what's this fetish you have?" into your ear.

I can't say, "I like corsets" or "being flogged." In order to avoid lying, I'd have to say: "I enjoy encouraging skinny men to overeat until their stomachs bulge out and they become helpless."

Still there, readers? I congratulate you.

Several times I've taken part in the Sugasm. It's pretty much a fancy traffic generator for new sex bloggers: submit your week's best post, vote for your favorites at the end of the week, and all they ask in return is that you post the week's winners on your own blog. Some people love it, some people hate it, but the point is that the majority of posters has to do with BDSM, gay and lesbian, or heterosexual encounters.

Which is fine, but it raises the quandary: how do you write a smart, engaging sex blog if what turns you on is seen as a turn off by the majority of people--even by ones thought of as kinky? What if you get off from fucking balloons? What if you wank to castration? Is there a famous furry blog that I've never heard of?

Case in point: imagine a curvy, busty girl giggling in bed as her arms are tied behind her by her lover. The window is open, so a cold night breeze titillates and tingles over their overheated bodies. He pulls her towards him by the hips, pressing his hard, thick cock into her ass, giving her anal for the first time...slowly...

Now add the fact that the man weighs around 300 lbs.

Hear that? That's the sound of a thousand pussies screaming in pain as I ruin their orgasm.

Which, some people say, shouldn't really matter: no one gets into sex blogging for the money, and I'll be very lucky indeed if, after a year, I have 300 readers (not even a drop in the bucket compared to the views on, say, one Lonelygirl15 video). But I am into it for the attention, comments, page views and discussions I can start in the pointless/sexy/disgusting/beautiful world which is teh internets. But there's this hang up: unless a person has their brain wired in a special way (held by how few?) they won't be able to get past the small fact that what turns me on isn't leather, high heels, and fancy sex toys but stuffing, fat sex, and large amounts of fizzy soda water.

All I knew (and all I still know) is that I hadn't seen a blog quite like mine before. (I do, at least, have a unique voice in the sea of BDSM blogs.) I wanted to celebrate and write intelligently about a fetish that, at worst, gets called anti-feminist, the biggest thing holding back the fat acceptance movement, or--as The Naked Trombonist told me when I tried to explain it once--just plain stupid and dangerous. I figured I would have the fact that almost any deviant sexual behavior has had these accusations thrown at it on my side. I was inspired by the best in the biz: Always Aroused Girl, Violet Blue, Jefferson (before it all went so very wrong) and Sinclaire Sexsmith: writers who believed in their own unusual desires, sought them out, and wrote about them in a very hot and intelligent way. I remember coming in contact with what seemed a whole new world when I read Sinclaire's blog, having never come across the terms "femme" or "packing", and I imagined I could do something similar for my own strange fetish: make it beautiful, make it more accessible and safe, and start discussions about a sexual preference I've once or twice seen described as "the new gay."

Instead (though mine is a very, very young blog and I may simply be impatient), I still feel like an outsider even in the big wide world of internet sex. The rule of "If you get off to it, someone's already done it and put up pictures about it" notwithstanding, I find myself trying to justify my likes and dislikes in such a way that they fit into the accepted language of what's sexy. I will play up the BHM's intelligence, his dominant tendencies, and his big dick, even if one of my biggest turn ons is how my thighs will ache as they are forced apart to accommodate his girth when he's on top. (*Winces at the sound of hundreds of readers skipping to another website because of that image.*) I'll struggle not to think about the undertones of eating disorders I see in most feeder erotica, and play up the fact that I am a smart, curvy, college educated woman...who just happens to have always gotten off to disgusting things. My fetish can be just a legitimate as homosexuality, I'll say, even when 90% of the emails I get are from people who are creepy...or I fall in love with men who are thousands of miles away.

But there's Lolita, right? One of the world's classics, by some measures--and it's about a rare fetish seen as either crazy or disgusting by the majority of the population. Yet somehow the author was able to tap into the universal feelings of obsession, love, and heartache that made his work mean something even to straight white hetero academics.

Though sometimes I wonder if his secret was simply admitting that Humbert Humbert was, in fact, sick.

I'm a sexual screwball, dear sexblog readers. I don't have multiple orgasms, no one sends me free sex toys, and I love having sex with a man that's obese. I encourage men to indulge in behaviors that even I see as dangerous, altering their weight, appearance, and their edge in physical sports. But they love it, my stuffer boys, do it to themselves if there's no one to "encourage" them. And I love it. Since I first learned what it meant to orgasm, I've never been able to get off to anything else.

It's a struggle to think about these things. Sometimes I swear I will never do it again, sometimes I think it's entirely legitimate. I want to be told my fetishes are as important to my happiness as your whips and glass dildoes are to yours, no matter how little they might turn you on. I want someone to tell me there was a mistake, that I can rewire my brain so that I will be able to get off to sex in the missionary position and never have to go digging through the filth of the internets ever again. I want to lose weight so I can fit in tiny clothes and boys will hit on me in bars, and I want to keep it because The Colt and Alex tell me I'm beautiful.

I want answers to all these things, but I don't have them yet. That's what this blog is for.


Erosblog has a very interesting post about how, in reality, the majority of internet erotica is less the work of sexual revolutionaries and more that of Nipples the Bear.

◆ Confused as to who the heck it is that I'm writing about? Check out the Who's Who of Stuffies.

◆ See more beautiful bellies in Molly's Flickr favorites!


Sasha Sappho said...

Of course your desires, and kinks, and fetishes are as important to your (and your partners') happiness as might be my cuffs and ball gags and blue eyes. Anyone who tells you anything otherwise has absolutely no business calling themselves progressive, accepting, or even sex-positive.
While I'll admit that I don't share your particular kink, I am right alongside you in wishing you could exist (in the world and in the sexblogopsphere) without having to face such ignorance, hatred and plain out stupidity. I don't wish, though, that you could rewire your brain to find something else "more acceptable" erotic. Instead I'd wish those assholes who are putting you down could rewire THEIR brains to actually walk their talk.
Maybe it's because I'm young and new to blogging as well, maybe it's because I'm curvy, too, and struggle with the same issues of wanting to fit into those tiny clothes so boys will hit on me in bars... or maybe it's because you're writing intelligently, thoughtfully and about something important.... but whatever it is, I feel you. And I'm with you.

(Also, I found you through sugasm, but I'll most certainly be back again.)

Coy Pink said...

What Sasha said. I couldn't add anything more to that wonderful comment. I, too, found you through Sugasm and I'll be back for more.

Molly Ren said...

"I am right alongside you in wishing you could exist (in the world and in the sexblogopsphere) without having to face such ignorance, hatred and plain out stupidity. I don't wish, though, that you could rewire your brain to find something else "more acceptable" erotic. Instead I'd wish those assholes who are putting you down could rewire THEIR brains to actually walk their talk."

I actually haven't come across so much hatred--maybe because I haven't been open about it to anybody? But I think the issue is more complex than simple prejudice of society...because my particular brand of kink, the way I really wanna practice it, is more in the "extreme sports" end of sexuality. I'm still exploring what that means, and what I want to do about it. Which I think is a big part of the shame (?) that comes through in certain parts of this post.

What I was also trying to explore was more the idea of attraction itself...which is way more complicated. "Why am I attracted to these things, when other people aren't?" is something that I keep coming back to. I want to know more about what people/the medical community think fetish really is, when even in the sexosphere I see a lot of Freudian stuff. Who I think isn't considered the real authority any more.

Which is all still very unformed in terms of a response... but I'm glad you like my stuff! I hope you keep commenting...and here's to more articles that we can sink our teeth into!

Nixy Valentine said...

I don't have to share someone's kink to want to hear what they have to say, or enjoy their writing. I like to read about things I wouldn't do, and even write about things that aren't my "real life" thing. I'm not sure why... call me a tourist. :)

But I applaud your story. It's thoughtful and provokative... in more ways than one.

I'm a sugasm chick too! But I will definitely subscribe. I like your style!


Molly Ren said...

This post has gotten more responses than anything I've written on here before... thank you all! And here I was considering stopping... :P

Fred B said...

Damm, my first (and second) comment attempt(s) got eaten by the webz.

In the words of Homer Simpson, "Now you're freak flag's flyin'! Let the freak-out begin!"

What I'm trying to say is let it all out. I mean it wouldn't really be a fetish if it was something that most people were into would it.
As a gentleman and a perv, who happens to tip the scales just under the 300 mark, I've been known to lick an armpit on occasion, amongst other things. If you're not experimenting to see what excites your partners then you're not putting enough effort in I think.
Now if you said you wanted to lick an armpit with deodorant on, I would go 'blech'. That leaves a horrible taste in my mouth, literally.

Gwen said...

This is a very incredibly moving blog, really touched me. I may not be that into BHM's (though they do form a part of my wide arrange of various kinks), but I know what it's like to feel like your fetish isn't valued or even acceptable, in a world that's supposedly "fetish-friendly". I'm tired of people (especially the more 'mainstream' folks) pimping out light BDSM and roleplay and costumes with the tagline "It's normal! Whatever you fantasize about is healthy!" and then turning around and saying "Well, yeah, but not THAT, that's just sick."

Anyways, I think I'm rambling. But I really liked this post.

MistressTalia said...

I think you accomplished what you wanted to with this post, making your fetish seem human and *real*.

College Cutie said...

Hey - another sugasm girl the others, I'll definitely be subscribing.

Even if it's not -my- fetish, you write about yours in such an awesome way that it's a really engaging read.

Be seeing more of you.

Molly Ren said...

I just wanted to say "thank you!" again to everyone who read and commented on this post! This is the first article I've written that's gotten a really big response, and I'm floored at the thoughtful and supportive comments I've received... and the new readers I've attracted! But such a response also seems to prove my point: tell people you're misunderstood, and you're sure to get noticed. :P

Anonymous said...

Hi Molly!
I'm just now discovering your blog! How brave and forthright and funny and daring it is.

One of my personality traits that I hold most dear is my ability to understand and appreciate kinks. I really do "get it" after a while. Especially if the kink comes from a place of EMOTIONAL importance, you know? If being pooped on makes you feel taken care of, then I get it! (Though the poop thing is probably one of the most foreign things from my own set of kinks.)

Anyway, this is fascinating and sweetly dangerous, this blog. And I'm probably gonna read it all in the next couple of days. You go, girl.

(I also really like the BBW series. Fun!!!)