"Yep," I deadpan. He can smell it coming from my room because I've just shaved my pussy and I put too much on afterwards to combat razor burn.
* * *
"I see you have tights on today," one of my co-workers comments. "What happened, someone try to look up your skirt?"
"Um," I say, "I always wear tights to work. Only difference is that these are black and the others have been peach."
I still have no idea what inspired her to make this remark.
* * *
Moving in to my new place, a book fell out of one of my boxes and my landlord stooped to pick it up. It was my copy of Marquis de Sade's Philosophy in the Bedroom. Which might have been ok if it was one of the old versions with a bland cover, but recently I had splurged on the new Penguin translation. The cover looks like this:
The inner back flap shows a brilliant red horse's ass.
He looked it, then shoved it back in the box. I kept walking, pretending I hadn't noticed, but wondering what would happen. I was counting in my head: 3, 2, 1...
"Have your ever read the Karma Sutra?" my landlord asked.