I doubt this blog will last a year.
It's not because I feel my particular desires will ever go away. It's that every aspect of my life is in limbo. Almost every day has an aspect of waiting about it. Waiting to hear from a job I applied for. Waiting to see if that new boy wrote back or not. Waiting for the Colt to tell me he has enough time off that he can visit. I tell myself that I am making plans, laying groundwork, in hopes that this unsatisfied feeling will eventually culminate in the stuffing of a boy. I'm a nut, I tell my friend Cee, on a mission. I am obsessed. I cannot move on with my life until I do it.
But at the same time, I'm not such a slave to it that I don't realize a thousand other things might happen. I've given myself a year to do this--too long, perhaps--to try writing, to try working on my own with the degree I have, to try fetish. And once the year is up, if it has resulted in nothing that is conductive to my happiness, I will put it all away and try something else.
Or I might wake up one morning and discover that one of my cover letters has suddenly been answered, and I will be off to a new job and a new life, and not have time for any of this. As unlikely as that seems right now to me, everyone I know tells me that it is a possibility.
So, my peeps, this is all temporary. Comment now or forever hold your peace. Like The Princess Bride, I'm gonna tell you how it's gonna end before it properly starts. I hope you'll still find it interesting enough to come along for the ride.
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