Friday, August 15, 2008

In Which Jaime and Candy Flirt (and Jaime Says Something Coarse)

If you've been following along, you'll know that Jaime recently went on a trip to NYC to meet his new BBW love, Candy. He told me the whole story one night, and now I'm sharing it with you.

After they met, Jaime wrote, he and Candy went for a walk in the mall...

Jaime: ...because I needed to visit a rest room.

We walked past various stores, and she said things like, "Oh, do you like the Ground Round?", which I guess was a restaurant.

I said "What? Oh, I've never even heard of it." She sighed and asked if I liked some other store, I said, "I am not a native here, half these places I've never even heard of, I'm sorry!"

But then we passed a Gamestop and she said, "Oh.." *wicked grin of hers* "Do you like Gamestop?"

To which I moaned and said, "Oh yes.." and we entered. She bought me Mass Effect for the xbox 360.

After we got out of Gamestop she said, "Are you feeling better now?" and gently pressed my tummy.

I said, "Yes, much."

She murmured, "I knew you would, boys and their toys..." She was a clever and witty latina girl.

I gallantly took out a pack of black cloves and went, as I took one, "I did have a pack to myself but they ran out, so I've had one or two of yours..."

And she gasped in mock outrage and took one--"So, these are all mine hmn?"--and she couldn't light it.

"Yes, if you can light them..." I laughed and had a bit of fun mocking her, then lit her clove as a man should and put it in her sweet mouth. She was reliant on me to light her cloves and let me carry them.

We walked the streets looking for transportation to my list of hostels after the numbers failed to work. I was constantly making small talk and comments that weren't well received or understood because I had failed to take my medicine. So she began to perceive me as a bit of an ass and clumsy, as you, Molly, can testify to. I could tell when she raised her eyebrows sometimes, she wondered where the smooth and clever man had gone.

So, after no luck with hostels she was complaining of sore thighs. I too had sore legs and unceremoniously stated my balls hurt

She frowned and said, "Why?"

"Same reason as you, walking, and I happen to have very large balls that get in the way when I walk."

She half shuddered, half glanced. I had her. She was now used to my course ways and found me a bit attractive.

We went on her desire, to a cheap motel. She simply couldn't walk another block. Before leaving the [taxi] of a black man, he went, "Oh, I'm glad I got you two here, I didn't want to ruin your Friday night! You two look like you in the mood for somethin! Enjoy the motel!"

I said, "Thanks brother..." and got out.

He went, "What a lady you got man, she even fits the bill!" when she paid for the car ride.

I nodded and went, "Yes, she is all that."


The Valiant Bastard said...

Still writing about me even though you loathe me and never want to be my friend? Even though Im too pathetic for you, too cruel and unkind.. I would normally be flattered, but instead I'm just dissapointed..

The Valiant Bastard said...

You've inspired me, I made my first blog post, you should read it.