I have friends in porn

I opened up my email yesterday to find that Jaime has been busy lately: 

Well well! Next week expect the headlines of "The Valiant Bastard Does New York 2: Bigger Longer and Uncut!" somewhere on the internet.

Somewhere, somehow, he had hooked up with a plus size model, and was going to be traveling to New York City for a week to photograph her.

oh, and she said I could put it anywhere *Grins* Im back baby! Hail to the King! talk to you later

"Holy Fuck," I said.

The first time Jaime had been to Manhattan had been with me. It was the culmination of a month's worth of e-mails, phone calls and occasional webcam sex ending in a carnival blur where we gave each other the flu, fondled each other on trains, talked about stuffing in public, went to a burlesque show, lost my wallet, got drunk in Times Square and ran out of a comedy show without paying. Just thinking of the Jaime again in Manhattan--both gothy and polished, ready to skewer you with his wit even when he had some of the coarsest personal habits I'd ever encountered--sent me into the mix of alarm and glee you would feel when watching one of your favorite villains stride across the screen.

Later I asked for more details. They're going to the botanical gardens first, Jaime enthused, and conney isle (Me: Ah, I remember Coney Isle), and the movies, and the park for a picnic, and the buffet...

The girl, I realized, was more than plus size. Jaime would be spending the week with what amounted to a professional gainer girl, delightedly feeding her popcorn through movies and sandwiches in Central Park. she also gives full body massages, wrote Jaime, and before I could finish typing a reply he added, and gives excellent head.

Sheesh, I thought. Jaime, my stepbrother. He sends me pictures of his conquests and copies and pastes anything partiularily cruel or hilarious in his online conversations for me to read. Sometimes I get as wildly excited as he. Others, I don't know what to do with it all and tell him to stop.

And what does this pretty girl look like? I ask.

Exotic, wrote Jaime. She has an accent.

Once I had quit teasing him for his cultural nearsightedness he elaborated... slightly. that belly is smooth as fuck. and pudgy.
and deep navel with no creases. She's tanned, said Jaime, a lovely BBW.

Her name, appropriately enough, is Candy.