"Hmmm," the doctor said.

He told me I either had strep throat or mono. He had swabbed out the back of my throat--so sore that it was too painful to for me to sneeze, much less swallow--and put it in the test solution. But the test was refusing to change colors. He told me to go home, get lots of rest, drink fluids, and not partake of any sports because if it really was mono, my spleen might be swollen and any kind of jarring might cause it to burst.

"Oh," I said.

When I told Cee about it later that night, he had a different diagnosis:

CEE: $5 dollars says its not an infection, you just have a kebab skewer stuck in your throat

ME: hmm. he shone a light down there. think he would have noticed

CEE: hmm, maybe looking into your mouth was like looking into the abyss... he got scared and made up a diagnosis

ME: the throat of cuthulhu

CEE: just a little tiny portal to hell
CEE: just enough to stick your finger in
CEE: so never be bulimic
CEE: you'd release the apocalypse