The Myth

It was only last summer that I was introduced to the wonders of gay men having sex.

After a fruitless search for a replacement apartment one of my friends offered to put me up for a few weeks until I could find somewhere else. Two weeks later, she had discovered that I swept and did the dishes, dubbed me "The Perfect Roommate", and said that I could stay for the rest of the summer. She was lonely, new to the city, and was eager to have a friend to watch TV with. I discovered she was a TV addict, with a penchant for reality shows... and Queer as Folk. For the first time I felt like I could relax into my bisexuality.

We watched the first episode together, and I fell for Brian Kinney. The taking of a young boy's virginity, reminding me so much of my own first sexual experience. Something clicked in my head, a better fit than anything I had read for the degree in Western Literature that I had been consumeing for the past three years.

Also--all unknown to my roommate--this proved to be my first steps into the realm of unusual sexual fantasy.

She had a book on her shelf called Working Stiff that I eagerly read. Soon after I discovered Savage Love. I believe I was Googling for a picture of a donkey. We went to a gay porn store and bought two cheap videos. We made fun of the fact that one of the men fucking didn't take off his white ankle socks while he went at it. I took a stab at Craig's List.

I watched Queer as Folk every day for perhaps a month before I went to work. She offered no comments on my sudden addiction except to squeal, "Isn't it amazing?"

Recently I discovered that not everyone shares this opinion. The two gay men I have personally polled have stated that they hate that show, Mr. Kinney in particular. It feeds into stereotypes, gives permission for assholes to take advantage of whoever they please, and isn't half as witty as a series written by gay men should be.

They were able to tell me this in detail because they'd watched every episode.

Though annoyed at my failure to be gay enough to be offended at the stereotypes, my love for Brian Kinney continues unabated. It's simple: he perpetuates the Myth of Endless Cock.

I call it a myth because I have been told that it is simply impossible for one person to be attractive to that many people. Apparently, it was all in who you hung out with--the only time I have seen the Myth with with my own eyes was when I had met Alexis, who in one night in a bar collected a train of four girls who followed him around talking until three in the morning and were all summarily dismissed when he had to go catch a plane at five.

Then I developed an internet addiction. Suddenly I was introduced to worlds where boys not only gave multiple orgasms, but people responded to the idea of orgies, leather, stuffing and masturbation with enthusiasm.

In short, anyone who says watching porn will never make someone want to "do anything" is an idiot. In time I became consumed with jealousy for my own lack of experience.

Had I ever stuffed a boy until he was ready to explode?

Had I ever fucked a guy with a strap-on?

Had I ever been whipped, slapped, or spanked?

Had I ever watched hot bi men make out during an orgy?

Would I like to pee on someone?

Or better yet, tie up a much better looking younger man, gag him, and leave him upstairs with a hard-on as I hosted a party downstairs?

Or, fuck it... When was the last time I had been with a woman!?

Most entrancing of all, it was all true!

Just like, you know, Queer As Folk.